Session #7 06/07/15

Picking up from whence we last left off, our motley crew is en route to Chateau Boucard, Vincent's cliff-side manor in the Monteban province. We manage to make our way across a lowered drawbridge spanning a crevice while Vincent and Phobos remark on their respective wealth and standing while Mr. Pug embarrassingly tries to emulate them. Typhon dons his alabaster mask, remarking that he's been to plenty of "these types of parties before". Waiting for us in the opulent, velvet tapestry ensconced and mahogany scented foyer we enter into is one Reeves, Vincent's manservant and, as we'll discover later, vomit decontaminator. In the interim, Vincent demands he fetch some more wine for the party while Dartanian requests that afterwards he sanitizes the prostitutes they've brought along.

As Vincent leads everyone into an adjoining sitting room, Phobos takes in the decor to try and get a better feel for the man we're tasked on obtaining intel on. Dartanian, on the other hand, nicks a bejeweled candelabra. Both then join the group as drinks begin to get poured. Phobos sees an opportunity to further impress Msr. Boucard and mage hand mixes a drink, which Vincent tastes and finds satisfactory. Sensing a chance to distract our host in hopes one of us can sneak off, Mr. Pug elects to do a handstand and take a shot at the same time, a feat quite impressive considering his size. As he asks for attention, Dartanian takes note and steps quietly back into the hall. However Pug's performance has the opposite effect and actually makes Boucard a tad jealous at the display of agility instead. Pug awkwardly notices the party foul and excuses himself to use the restroom and joins Dartanian in the hallway.

Alone, the pair begin to ascend a stairway to the second floor but a mixture of Pug's heavy footsteps and Pug's chain mail armor and Pug just generally screwing things up like a medieval Urkel draws Reeves' attention. He tells us that the west wing is closed and that we're not supposed to be going up there. Feigning ignorance, we reluctantly walk back down. But, alas, Pug makes amends, throwing his arm over Reeves' shoulder and engaging him in what was surely some Sorkin-esque reporté in order to divert Reeves' attention to allow Dartanian to resume his sneakiness. Dartanian Mathias Xavier tiptoes back up the stairs and, to the immediate right on the second floor of the manse, finds a large wooden door with a lock slung across the handles. He quickly picks it with his thieves tools and is greeted by a long hallway with sconces on either side. As he makes his way down, he begins to gently turn and pull and press each sconce under the impression that one might lead to a secret passage, as wall-mounted sconces are wont to do. Instead he finds that as he moves down, the sconces further on suddenly appear to have already been pulled. How curious.

Meanwhile, the after party appears to be winding down as Vincent stands to depart back to his chamber for a nightcap/hooker sex. Phobos wisely attempts to keep the revelry going and insists Msr. Boucard have one more drink. Typhon ups the ante and breaks out the gooooood stuff: a bottle of Monteban liquor. Typhon passes around the bottle and they each tip theirs back. Phobos is a tad concerned he might not be able to handle the hard stuff and uses a little spell to toughen his constitution. He and everyone else seems to stomach the booze okay but sadly the side effect of Phobos' spell comes back to bite him as a third eye suddenly sprouts from his forehead. Vincent is luckily deep in his cups at this point and assumes he's just getting some mead goggles and pretty much ignores it and begins to finally make his way to bed. Everyone pleads with him to stay but he's had his fill and heads off to hit the hay. Reeves starts to follow his master but Phobos and Typhon and Pug try to pump him for information instead. But he's a stubborn, honor bound butler and similarly begins to walk off. In a moment of quick, if perhaps ill advised, thinking, Typhon vomits. This has 2 consequences: firstly, Reeves must now grab some club soda and a rag to scrub up said vomit. That's good! Secondly, Typhon is still wearing his sex mask and, thusly, is doused by his own ricochet. That's bad.

As the sickness spills out on the floor below, Dartanian is still trying to traverse the hallway he unlocked upstairs. The further he moves down the hallway, the further he seems to end up from the end of it. Suddenly there's a slight rumble and a fireball appears at the end of the hallway. He hugs the wall and dodges it and watches it go by... only to disappear and suddenly appear at the end of the hallway again, coming towards him a second time! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!?

With Reeves preoccupied cleaning and Vincent back in his bed chambers, Phobos and Pug turn to the comely escorts we brought along to pry info out of. Pug finds than even when all he wants is conversation, these ladies still demand top coin. After dishing out a few dozen gold pieces, one of the ladies of the night tells of a disturbing hunting tale she heard about Vincent wherein he likes to intentionally maim animals because he enjoys their suffering and then likes to get up close and personal for the final kill. Pug wants more but her greediness and rudeness finally gets the better of the old sailor, who accuses her of many unsavory things, not least of which is cod swalloping. Phobos discovers similar accusations from his escort. He asks about secret places she might know about and ho boy she shows him one alright! HEYO!

Pug finally remarks that Dartanian has been gone a suspiciously long time at this point. They all sneak off and come upstairs to see Dartanian stuck in the hallway with this perpetual fireball going back and forth. Pug tosses a length of rope into the hallway but as he pulls it in, it snaps and the end comes out at the back of the hallway BECAUSE PORTAL. He then realizes, as the fireball disappears from right in front of them again, that the heat can only be felt along the side, not the middle. Therefore all stupid Dartanian needs to do is hug the wall and strafe along it and viola! You're free dummy! Turns out there's some runes and stuff on the floor Dartanian missed on his way in that activated all this magical mumbo jumbo. Now that it's all been spotted and noted, they move along after the fireball fizzles out.

The hallway eventually curves and leads to a room. A dark room. A dark room lit by a single blue flame. A dark room lit by a single blue flame whose darkness seems to magically swallow any other light from any other source. Only the blue flame illuminates anything. Spotting some unlit braziers, Dartanian breaks out one of his candles and lights it up... like a candle... from the blue flame, then goes around to the other braziers and lights them. With the room now nearly fully illuminated, the party see there's a firepit in the center of the room. Lastly, Dartanian lights that up to and the flames flare up brightly, briefly blinding the group. As they regain their vision, it appears that the room has transformed, or they otherwise teleported. The pillars have morphed into strange humanoid figures and hieroglyphics, much like those from the water temple we fought the gibbering mouther.

But we don't have a ton of time to take in the scenery as we hear a strange growl behind us and turn to see a giant eye with eye tentacles. Mufukin spectator yo. But despite the copious consumption of alcohol, we're all on point and toast that creepy looking dickcheese without anyone taking a scratch. So now we investigate things further and come across a few interesting tidbits, like a letter from Vincent to General Howsu stating "The infestation has taken hold and Edon is ripe for the picking." Hm... could that have something to do with the dead horses we saw in the stables? Maybe that won't be another unsolved mystery that goes down in history. But as a whole the room looks like a Tiefling sacrificial chamber although the writing scattered about is completely unrecognizable to any of us. There was also a book, I think, possibly a diary, noting that Eldath are being picked off by the black haired woman. There's also a totem littered with more writing and while we still don't recognize it, Typhon smartly grabs some paper and ink and a quill and places the paper flat against the totem and just scratches the quill across to highlight the inscriptions, a la Indiana Jones. Phobos then realizes he has seen those inscriptions before and pulls out an old diary he's been carrying with him, although he's unsure of the connection.

Content we've covered every inch of this extra dimensional room, we douse the flames of the firepit hoping that that should transport us back to Boucard's. Unfortunately it does, but we find ourselves back into the room we initially transported from but now in the midst of some noxious smokey fumes. The door is closed and with his last gasp Typhon heaves a battering spell and blows the door apart, along with a pair of Boucard's guards behind it. But behind them are another dozen guards and Boucard himself, with Reeves by his side. Pug and Phobos then succumb to the smoke as well and fall to the floor. Seeing a window and an opportunity to try and make a last ditch escape, Dartanian holds his breath, grabs the candelabra out of his bag and motions to throw it through the window... but sees his new comrades all out for the count and elects to join them in whatever fate destiny has set for them, and simply remarks "Oh how did this thing get in here?" and drops the candelabra as he also falls to the floor. As they slip out of consciousness, the last thing they hear Boucard say is "Reeves, please tell Lebianne that I'll be taking care of them."

 

-Dartanian